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Feb. 29th, 2012 10:46 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
itiчитаю тут в Москве "Commited" Gilbert, предыдущую нашумевшую книжку пока не читал, может и не буду, но эта нравится
"We Americans often say that marriage is "hard work." I'm not sure the Hmong would understand this notion. Life is hard work, of course, and work is very hard work--I'm quite certain they would agree with those statements--but how does marriage become hard work? Here's how: Marriage becomes hard work once you have poured the entirety of your life's expectations for happiness into the hands of one mere person. Keeping that going is hard work.
A recent survey of young American women found that what women are seeking these days in a husband--more than anything else--is a man who will "inspire" them, which is, by any measure, a tall order. As a point of comparison, young women of the same age, surveyed back in the 1920s, were more likely to choose a partner based on qualities such as "decency," or "honesty," or his ability to provide for a family. But that's not enough anymore. Now we want to be inspired by our spouses! Daily! Step to it, honey!"
"We Americans often say that marriage is "hard work." I'm not sure the Hmong would understand this notion. Life is hard work, of course, and work is very hard work--I'm quite certain they would agree with those statements--but how does marriage become hard work? Here's how: Marriage becomes hard work once you have poured the entirety of your life's expectations for happiness into the hands of one mere person. Keeping that going is hard work.
A recent survey of young American women found that what women are seeking these days in a husband--more than anything else--is a man who will "inspire" them, which is, by any measure, a tall order. As a point of comparison, young women of the same age, surveyed back in the 1920s, were more likely to choose a partner based on qualities such as "decency," or "honesty," or his ability to provide for a family. But that's not enough anymore. Now we want to be inspired by our spouses! Daily! Step to it, honey!"
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no subject
Date: 2012-03-01 03:53 am (UTC)"А кто в том виною?
А ты и виною:
все тенью была
у него за спиною,
все тенью была --
никуда не звала."
no subject
Date: 2012-03-01 08:06 am (UTC)позволю себе ещё одну цитату из той же книжки
"To this day, I admit, I'm not entirely sure how to use this information. I cannot quite bring myself to make an official motto out of "Ask for less!" Nor can I imagine advising a young woman on the eve of her marriage to lower her expectations in life in order to be happy. Such thinking runs contrary to every modern teaching I've ever absorbed. Also, I've seen this tactic backfire. I had a friend from college who deliberately narrowed down her life's options, as though to vaccinate herself against overly ambitious expectations. She skipped a career and ignored the lure of travel to instead move back home and marry her high school sweetheart. With unwavering confidence, she announced that she would become "only" a wife and mother. The simplicity of this arrangement felt utterly safe to her--certainly compared to the convulsions of indecision that so many of her more ambitious peers (myself included) were suffering. But when her husband left her twelve years later for a younger woman, my friend's rage and sense of betrayal were as ferocious as anything I've ever seen. She virtually imploded with resentment--not so much against her husband, but against the universe, which she perceived to have broken a sacred contract with her. "I asked for so little!" she kept saying, as though her diminished demands alone should have protected her against any disappointments. But I think she was mistaken; she had actually asked for a lot. She had dared to ask for happiness, and she had dared to expect that happiness out of her marriage. You can't possibly ask for more than that."
книжку ещё не дочитал, рецепта самой Гилберт не вижу, но вывод, к которому меня привела моя долгая многотрудная жизнь, прост как валенок "Если ты счастлив с кем-то (или благодаря кому-то), то это не должно автоматически означать, что ты несчастлив без этого человека (или по его вине, если что-то повернётся не так, как хочется)"
no subject
Date: 2012-04-20 08:19 pm (UTC)В том числе и потому, что несчастливые люди вызывают сострадание, а счастливые - раздражение, целая палитра разных негативных чувств на фоне зависти и досады.
Вдохновлять, говорят? Но зато, наверно, обеспечивать семью уже не так надо, в современных условиях американская девушка вполне справится сама (ну или пополам). А вдохновение - куда ж без него?
Первая книжка очень хорошая, особенно мне понравилось про Индонезию.
Толкай